Opposition

I have been facing a whole lot of opposition on my goal to finish the California Ironman, I felt this week like I should scrap the whole idea. I had a bad week of swimming last week and was sick over the weekend, still have something in the chest/lungs. This is one of the hardest physical things I have ever set out to do. What was I thinking anyway, crazy that's what. I could just chalk it up to a great weight loss plan--after all I have lost 23 pounds and all my clothes fit and people notice a change.

I have a problem though, I don't want to quit. I don't feel like God is telling me to quit, I want to finish to give God honor and glory. I want to do it for my kids, to show them that hard work and dedication can accomplish things. I want to do it for my wife, she is so awesome and her faith has proved to me that I can get through this. I want to do it for the people who said that I have inspired them to do something, to get moving, to set a goal. And I want to do it for the people who think I am a bit crazy for even trying. I want to do it for me, quitting is easy, justification to quit is easy, rationalization is easy. I feel God has a purpose for me in this.

So why all the struggle this week? I was really down and beaten. Fear took over and failure was an option. I have read that the enemy loves to oppose joy. Crush those dreams and goals make me feel less than, make me feel worthless.

Yesterday I told Emily how I was feeling, she is behind me either way and will love me whatever I choose to do. I emailed my friend Doug whom I have raced with and trained with for many events. He said many wonderful things and even through in this quote "You can't put a limit on anything. the more you dream,the farther you get." Michael Phelps. I ran yesterday 4.6 miles coughed up a 1/2 lung and felt OK. I probably could have taken another day off and let the lungs clear, but it was a good run--a not quitting run. One of the lines from a Train song that I heard on the run stuck out (I usually don't remember the songs I hear) "I wont give up if you don't give up" " I need a sign to let me know your here" "I wont give up if you don't give up"

After a great bible study this morning, where we talked about the boldness of Steven standing up against the Sanhedrin looking to God filled with the Holy Spirit and taking his faith to death. I asked the guys to pray for my swim, I feel like I am at the cross roads, do it or not. The thing about the swim is you have to swim, on the bike you can coast, on the run you can walk...on the swim you have to swim or sink.

I took the kids to school and decided to spin for a 1/2 hour in the garage to keep the legs moving. I had a good workout 13 miles and a lot of sweat and coughing. Then I am in the shower after some push ups, pull ups and crunches. A thought pops into my mind, the enemy oppresses joy, he does not want me to have the joy, he does not want me to give God glory as I raise my hands to God as I cross the finish line. I got out of the shower and I prayed, I prayed for God to fill those oppressing thoughts, I also told the devil to take a hike, he has no hold on me or my joy. As my friend said this morning "I CAN do all things through Christ who gives me strength" Phil 4:13.

I am at work feeling good about myself and my hope that this will be the week that "I get it" the swim that is, I get an email from the FCA (Fellowship of Christan Athletes) Endurance the group that does triathlons for God. The main story was of a woman that qualified for Kona the big daddy of Ironman and found out she had a broken bone in her foot 2 weeks before the race. She felt God wanted her to be there so she raced with one shoe and a walking cast. She was inspired to wear a shirt that said "I CAN" on the front and "Phil 4:13" on the back, she said that the light of love and hope that followed her on that day was amazing. She also was on the recap of that race that aired on NBC a few weeks back and I remember seeing her while Cameron and I watched the race.

In that same CAN DO attitude, I CAN, I WILL, with strength from my God.